This Is Me

Friday, July 29, 2005

They're Coming To Get Me

Today I got to call the White House.

Apparently, my boss was watching the news and saw that an old friend of his from college is now a Very Important Person (no, not President Bush) and thought he'd drop him a note. So, I got to call the White House and get the guy's address so my boss could send it to him. However, apparently security is pretty tight in DC right now (who'd a thunk?) and letters take 3-6 months to get to a person in the White House. So, he (i.e. me) ended up sending him a fax.

This was pretty exciting. Of course, apparently it was too early in the morning for me, because I accidentally sent the fax to the PHONE number (of the White House. The White House!) not the FAX number for the guy's office. Way to go Alexandra!

I'm pretty sure they're going to send a SWAT team after me now.

Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get me!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

More Killers

To get Rae's perspective on Saturday, see her post.

Monday, July 25, 2005

PDA not okay - but amusing, Killers concert

This weekend I found myself sitting next to a couple who I can only assume was wildly in love, based on their near-mating behavior and the big rock on her left hand. I had thought that I was going to partake of some concert goodness, in the form of Louis XIV and The Killers, but I ended up being the spectator of something far more primeval that rock music. I went with my friends Jeremiah and Rae (who are brother and sister) and their cousin-in-law Jason and I got the dubious pleasure of sitting on the end next to the happy couple next to us. During the concert and waiting for it they kissed and there was general groping perilously close to my own personage. All this mutual affection stirred in me uncontrollable laughter. (I just hate it when others prepubescent behavior causes my sense of humor to revert to its more puerile roots.) The man's hands would start sliding along her waist ever upwards and I would start laughing and elbow Rae. She usually did one of 2 things: 1) laugh 2) tell me she hated me and she would get me back. During the few times that they talked ("Wow, Rae look, they can TALK too!") we made up dialogues for them. As we dissolved into laughter for the umpteenth time I considered that maybe they could overhear us (they were in the seats right next to us) but figured that if they got embarressed, there was good reason. During an intermission they disappeared, causing Jeremiah to comment that perhaps they had gone to a porta-potty for a quickie? We dismissed this idea, but they DID look a little more relaxed when they got back, so you never know... Rae commented that there were many times during the performance when she felt like leaning over me, tapping them on the shoulder, and pointing out to them that there was a hotel JUST NEXT DOOR to the arena. In fact, the arena was part of the hotel.

It all made me think about a book I was reading on modesty that pointed out when girls get embarressed they giggle and that embaressment is a good thing that indicates that something Important is happening (sexually speaking). Well, obviously something important was happening and something romantic, but I sure wish it had been happening somewhere else more appropriate. Sort of an interesting science experiment into embarressment and giggling though. However, I enjoy manipulating others in my science experiments, not myself:-)

The concert was at a casino and I had planned to try a slot machine, because I've never gambled in a casino and I like new experiences, but we walked into the casino and the rows and rows and rows of slot machines with zombie-like people affixed to them, as if by glue brought one thing to my mind "Why do so many people spend so much time doing something that is so intrinsically boring?" I got so bored just LOOKING at the slot machines, that I didn't even make the effort to actually play one.

So much for being a hardened gambler. That $3 I made playing poker at Christmas is apparently not leading to a Life of Sin and Corruption.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Laughing On The Inside

As I walked through the imposing lobby of the building my government job is housed in, I contemplated what all these calm, dignified, poised, political people surrounding me would think if they knew I was wearing bright pink underwear with the words "Drama Queen" emblazoned on them. The thought made me smile.

The underwear, which usually comes out when I'm low on laundry, was given to me for a birthday present by my sister to get me back for the "Wild Thing" underwear I got for her for her birthday several years ago. Her party was at a local pizza parlor and she opened the gift in front of an assorted group of friends and family. A patient woman, she bided her time several years to get me back. Last summer she told me my birthday present was in the mail. Completely unknowledgable about what the package contained, I opened it in front of my employers. Let me tell you it was quite a surprise for all of us! One usually doesn't like to think of one's employee as a creature who prances about wearing pink underwear that pronounces she's a Drama Queen.

At least it wasn't a thong.

For those of you who are offended by the fact I'm talking about underwear in a public forum which might be read by a member of the male persuasion - hey, I'm the type of girl who owns underwear proclaiming her to be a Drama Queen - how do you think I'm going to act?

For those of you who knew me in college or high school - this post probably won't surprise you.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Camping Trip Confusion

Over the Fourth of July weekend I went on a camping trip with some people from my small group. This is my friend Klib, showing everyone where he thinks we are and where we should go and me probably thinking that he is on crack:-) This was our usual state of affairs. ha ha. Now, in honor of Klib I shall post here a poem he wrote (apologies to Napoleon Dynamite)

Your sandy hair... floats in the air.... To me it's like a lullaby.... I'm just flying by.. oh so high... like a kite tied to a string.

And now some of his ramblings. Everyone should have at least one friend like him and maybe several. To think I thought he was such a calm, quiet boy when I first met him.

my pants my pants my pants my pants my paaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnts my pants my pants my pants my pants my paaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnntsssss la la la Whats this about MY PAAAAAANTS!!!!?!!! *sings*

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

This is an ACTUAL conversation from my small group!

Guy # 1: ...and legalism is horrible! Sooner or later you end up like the non-demoninational Baptist school I went to, where girls were told they shouldn't wear pants, because pants have pockets and pockets make boys think of sex.

Group: WHAT!??!?!

Guy #2: Well, NOW I will!!!

Group: *random chattering about this*

Guy #2: (in a deep Yoda-like voice) mmmm cargo pants!

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Health Fair

So, I went to the the Health Fair at my work today, to decide what benefits I am going to choose...nah, actually I went to get free stuff and free tests and, as it turned out, free food. First, the food: Now does it make sense to ANYONE else that at a health fair the food they served was bagels, cookies, cream cheese, potato chips, Doritos, and soda pop? I mean, REALLY. My friend Rory pointed out that it was probably just job security. So, at the fair, I browsed around a bit, grabbing the free pens and golf tees (I don't golf, but my coworker does) and then got to participate in free tests! I'm not sure if there's anything that I enjoy as much as free tests! First I got my body composition. The lady asking people questions etc asked me if I exercised more than 10 hours a week. I kind of gave her a look and stated, "Do I LOOK like I exercise more than 10 hours a week?!??!" She replied that you never know, but laughed. Then I got my blood pressure checked. For any of you who may be worried about my high-pressure job and how it may be affecting my health, you may rest assured: my pulse is 54. My blood pressure was 84/61 (normal is 120/80). She told me I had the lowest blood pressure of the day. Then she said, "We usually only see this runners. You're not a runner, are you?" I laughed "Do I LOOK like a runner?...So, I'm pretty much dead then huh?" "Pretty close."

Nice to know I'm practically a medical miracle (or mistake, whatever.)

Speaking of medical miracles, I just found out a girl I know has a bunch of extra lymph nodes. Apparently, this only happens in 1 out of every 5 million people. They cover the entire spanse of her back, only visible in one area as a birth mark, and she almost NEVER gets sick. I think this is the coolest thing EVER. Now, she IS a walking medical miracle!