I sometimes wonder why God made me female

It’s been a while since I’ve thought about this topic. When I was a kid I thought about it because I loved sports and was left out because I was a girl and because I hated to feel weak and helpless, and so I wanted to be a boy. Today I’m wondering because I’ve turned from a tom-boy kid to an analytical woman. Contradictory thoughts held simultaneously and illogical arguments or a refusal to analyze one’s argument or opinions frustrates me. I can be with a man that I absolutely adore and am attracted to, but could not possibly be in a relationship with, because he’s illogical and does not analyze his thoughts until they are consistent. He might have passion and fervor about God, but it’s not focused and directed. And I don’t want to be the lens that focuses him! This puts me in the place of Socrates, incorporating the dialectic method into my discussions until I feel like I’m thoroughly wearing the pants in the relationship. And I think we all know what happened to Socrates in the end. At this point, I get frustrated, because I might really LIKE this boy, or that boy, but I see a spiral of life where I am the one in the relationship with the most consistency of thought and therefore would end up leading, or at least nagging. Neither of these options is palatable to me. Then I consider, “Would this be different in a relationship with any other guy I know?” and realize that I’m backed into a corner. The ones who might be more logical are cold and somewhat emotionless and/or could not ever make me feel loved (which is very important; I am, after all, a woman.) and the ones who could make me feel loved, I would lead (or try to drag) in an attempt to bring them into correct, logical, and consistent thinking because I’d be trying to make them the kind of men that I could follow. I am not right about everything, and I need a man who is logical and so can point out my inconsistency of thought, rather than one who is holding contradictory notions himself and so cannot give a good and coherent argument for WHY I must change. The problem with logical men is: they tend to lack fervor and passion (and emotion). I have not yet found a man who is logical (about theology and doctrine), passionate (about God), and committed to righteous living because he loves God and wants to serve and honor Him and deny himself, who can both understand and love me and can lead me to be closer to God through challenging me to more purity and through intellectually instigating me to more right doctrine through his use of logic and consistency of thought (and insight into God’s word). Can there be no man who could be both a mind-mate and a soul-mate? (and play-mate) I’m not even getting into personality characteristics like similar interests like art, travel, theatre, literature, science, philosophy, music, dance, etc. Why did God make me someone who cannot easily follow because of the way He made me? Why couldn’t he have made me a man? Men are SUPPOSED to lead their mates. What would a man look like who could both lead me and love me?

But the real problem is: If I ever find this paragon of a man, why would he ever be interested in me?