Valentine’s Day Memorium – Oh How We’ll Remember You

While some prefer the title “Single’s Awareness Day” (the day you are very aware of being single) for Valentine’s Day I prefer the lesser-known title that is more in keeping with my sense of humor that my friend Jeremiah and his friends came up with in high school. Namely “You’re Going to Die Alone Day” or “You’re a Loser and No One Is Ever Going To Love You Day”. Upon hearing this, I immediately knew what course of action I had to take. Being morally opposed to getting drop-dead drunk I did the next best thing – I threw a party. I actually did have some rather altruistic reasoning. I thought that although I don’t care as much as I used to about the whole ‘being single on Valentine’s Day’ thing, SOME people probably do. I figured that half the problem is not so much the not having of a ‘significant other’ but the sitting at home alone whilst all the happy couples go out together. The solution, of course, was obvious. The irony was that my “Losers” party was better attended than any other I have yet thrown in Lansing. Of course after my decorating job people may stay away from further partying goodness. My walls were festooned with red, pink, and black hearts – torn brokenly in half. And I wonder why so many men seem to be SCARED or INTIMIDATED by me… My red shirt emblazoned with the words “Femme Fatale” in silver gothic script may have helped too. I swear I did not buy that shirt for myself. This brings to my mind the thought that perhaps my shirt was responsible for the following discombobulating and inexplicable conversation:

(Boy staring randomly past me at my patio window in the vague direction of one of my plants.)

Me: Admiring my delightful plant? Or perhaps the lovely butterfly thingie (the technical term) I have decorated it with? (Uh…I can explain the butterfly thingie. It was given to me for helping out with Children’s Ministries. It is gold and beautiful and is stuck in the soil of my plant, looking like a big, gold butterfly is perched on the plant. It’s a great touch. I definitely have a lot of class.)

Boy : No, actually I was staring at your chest.

Me (blank, vaguely shocked look while I computed that he was staring no where near me and that a male just made a remark about my chest and I was very confused about how these seemingly two random events just dovetailed into each other. Especially since heretofore he had seemed like a fairly considerate, well-mannered XY(guy). I actually can’t remember what I said next. Maybe nothing. It is very possible I sat there with my mouth opening and closing and no sound coming out. Or I may have muttered “I’m not sure how to respond to that” underneath my breath. The moment was completely lost while I groped for something witty and barbed to say to put him firmly in his place without making me seem like an utter prudish moron.)

Ironically, this conversation took place while we were all playing a game called "Scruples."

To end this post I will insert a delightful saying concocted by Wazoo, “…since God, in his infinite wisdom, saw fit to give rule over all relations between the sexes to the Prince of Darkness himself, thereby ensuring that no one you are attracted to will ever be attracted to you.”

This could explain much of my life.